Scott Miller

To who?

Why, to the memory of one of the greatest managerial meltdowns in major-league history!

Yes, sports fans, Tuesday is the 25th anniversary of former skipper Lee Elia's all-time classic in Wrigley Field, when he shredded Cubs fans in a profanity-laced tirade that quickly became one of the most bootlegged tapes this side of a Grateful Dead show.

If you haven't heard it yet -- or if you have, but haven't played it in awhile -- it's just one more reason to be thankful for the existence of Youtube. Check Elia's rant out here (be forewarned, it's very R-rated, though exquisitely poetic).

It all started after the Cubs suffered another loss, this one 4-3 to the Dodgers, and some fans tossed beer and hurled insults at Cubs Larry Bowa and Keith Moreland as they came off the field.

"A few moments before, someone was calling MOreland a fat redhead and Bowa a Pygmy shortstop," Elia reminisced last week to the Chicago Sun-Times. "It just set me off."

Uh, yeah.

"We've got all these so-called f------ fans that come out here and say they're Cub fans, who are supposed to be behind you, ripping every f------ thing you do," Elia ranted to reporters on that fateful day. "I tell you one f------ thing, I hope we get f------ hotter than s---. Just to stuff it up them 3,000 f------ people that show up ever f------ day. because if they're the real Chicago f------ fans, they can kiss my f------ ass, right downtown, and print it!"

He went on to note that "85 percent of the world is working, the other 15 percent come out here. A f------ playground for the f------ c----------."

Incredibly, Elia -- whose Cubs were 5-14 at that point, in last place in the NL East -- kept his job for another four months before being fired that August.

All these years later, Elia, now a special assistant to Mariners manager John McLaren and a beloved figure in the Mariners organization, is revisiting the long ago moment that turned him into a sort of cult hero. Through an Illinois-based memorabilia dealer, Elia is selling an autographed baseball that contains a 20-second sound chip in which he parodies his tirade with a positive message to Cubs fans. The ball, which is scheduled to be unveiled Monday at Harry Caray's Restaurant in downtown Chicago, also has the inscription, "And print it!"

Elia, a surivor of prostate cancer, has designated a portion of the proceeds for Chicago Baseball Cancer charities. Best part of all might be that the ball also will come with an mp3 copy of the unedited tirade.

For more information, call 1-800-581-8661 or go to www.leeunplugged.com.

Likes: Umpire Kerwin Danley released from the hospital. What a scary moment Saturday night, when he was drilled with Brad Penny's mid-90s fastball and he lost consciousness. And  what a blessing that he wasn't seriously hurt. ... Tampa Bay in first place, even if the Rays are tied. What a thing in the AL East in the final days of April. ... The Lee Elia rant. I've had a copy of the tape for years, and it is just so staggeringly entertaining. And to think how times have changed: That happened today, it would be all over ESPN, CNN, other assorted cable channels, the Internet, national radio, etc., within the hour. Back then, one radio guy who was in Elia's office had his tape recorder, and it went out on a Chicago radio station and then those in the inner circle of the Chicago media got themselves tapes of it, and it spread from there.

Dislikes: That one of the Cleveland Indians -- Grady Sizemore? C.C. Sabathia? Fausto Carmona? -- has yet to show up at a Cavaliers NBA playoff game wearing a Washington Wizards cap. You may recall Cavaliers star LeBron James showing up at Jacobs Field during the Cleveland-New York playoffs last fall wearing a Yankees cap?

Rock 'N' Roll Lyric of the Day:

"She's like so whatever
"You can do so much better
"I think we should get together now
"And that's what everyone's talking about"

-- Avril Lavigne, Girlfriend

Brandon Webb is 5-0 with a 2.31 ERA, Micah Owings is 4-0 with a 2.42 ERA and Dan Haren is 3-1 with a 3.03 ERA. The Arizona Diamondbacks, with baseball's best record (17-6), already have that invincible look, that this-is-the-year feeling.

And if Randy Johnson continues his slow, steady ascent, there's no telling how high these Snakes can go.

Johnson still didn't look like his old, dominant self in his third start of 2008 Friday night, but nobody expects him to -- and he doesn't need to be that guy, anyway. In limiting the punchless San Diego Padres to a run and three hits over six innings in a 5-1 whipping, Johnson evened his record at 1-1 and lowered his ERA to 2.70.

These are solid numbers for any starting pitcher.

For a 44-year-old on a team simply looking for a consistent No. 3 or 4 starter?

Exquisite.

Johnson doesn't go 97, 98 m.p.h. like he once did, but following two back surgeries in two years, he's got enough and he's getting better. Arizona manager Bob Melvin noted one 96 m.p.h. fastball Friday, one at 95 and several at 94.

"His velocity picked up considerably," Melvin said. The skipper noted that the Big Unit's location was better, his split-finger fastball was improved and he consistently pounded the strike zone with his inside fastball as well.

"I feel like I'm getting where I want to be," Johnson said. "I'm still not happy -- I'm walking too many people (two Friday; nine in his three starts), but it's a step in the right direction."

Johnson came back tentatively against San Francisco on April 14, throwing 90 pitches over five innings, walking four and striking out seven in a no-decision. The Giants thought he looked OK, but not much more.

Johnson was marginally better six days later, throwing 104 pitches over 5 2/3 innings in a 9-4 loss Sunday, walking three and striking out seven. Though he surrendered six runs, only four were earned, and he held the Padres to one run through five innings.

Friday night? Six innings, longest outing of the season, and it took him only 94 pitches. Granted, the Padres are less dangerous than a neutered kitten right now, but Johnson pretty much kept it in cruise control. And, he sacrifice bunted in the third, singled up the middle in the fourth, sprung off of the mound in the fifth to make a play on Scott Hairston's weak chopper toward third ... in other words, he played the game.

"That was a heck of a play," Melvin said of fielding Hairston's ball. "I was thinking to myself, 'Don't even try that.'"

He did, though, despite the fact that in a very limited spring training, he did very little fielding work and not much hitting, either.

He spoke afterward of needing to make sure everything he does is constructive, done for a purpose. He doesn't need to be Rickey Henderson on the bases, he said, noting a play last year in which he slid into third base.

"My back wasn't the same after that," said Johnson, who was not able to pitch after June last year.

"There are going to have to be times when I may have to miss a start," he said while plotting for continued strength and the stamina and health to make it all the way to the finish line this year. "I don't want to, but that's the way it is."

If Johnson misses a start here or there in exchange for pitching fairly regularly for the rest of the season, it's a bargain the Diamondbacks will gladly strike.

----

While Johnson was good, San Diego's lineup right now is terrible. The Padres have managed only six runs in their past 62 innings in Petco Park, and they now have not homered in their past 86 innings at Petco. Their last homer at home came way back on April 4, when Brian Giles slammed one in the sixth inning of a game with the Los Angeles Dodgers. Ouch.

Likes: Tampa Bay, four-game winning streak and 12 wins matching their most ever after their first 23 games. ... Washington outfielder Elijah Dukes spending several hours cleaning cages and mopping at a Tampa, Fla.-area zoo in the past week as part of a deal to shorten his probation from a drug charge. ... San Diego's Brian Giles having Warren Zevon's Werewolves of London played for his at-bats at home on the nights Randy Wolf starts. ... Giants third-base coach Tim Flannery giving two thumbs up to the Mudcrutch show at San Francisco's Fillmore Theater last week. Mudcrutch? Looking forward to the new disc coming out next week from the group, which is the reformation of an old Florida band and Tom Petty's current side project. And Petty is playing bass. ... Tina Fey on David Letterman the other night. ... Tyler Hansborough staying at North Carolina for his senior season. ... Friday Night Lights returning for another season next year.

Dislikes: Shark attack off the coast of Solana Beach, a small community north of San Diego. I know a guy who knows the guy who was killed, and it's a sad, sad tale. ... The truck crashing into the train station in Chicago on Friday, killing two. Man, what an ugly day. ... Friends' reviews on Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Thought it looked like a solid flick from the previews a few weeks ago. Couple of friends saw it and now it'll be a rental.

Rock 'N' Roll Lyric of the Day:

"And all the girls walk by
"Dressed up for each other"

-- Van Morrison, Wild Night

Welcome to the New York Yankees manager's chair, Joe Girardi.

Are you an idiot?

Only chip-off-the-old-block Hank Steinbrenner knew exactly the point he was trying to make when he told the New York Times that "you have to be an idiot" to "have a guy with a 100-mile-per-hour fastball and keep him as a setup guy."

The guy, of course, is Joba Chamberlain. And Steinbrenner's early frustration is understandable, given that the Yankees have been sluggish out of the gate over these first three weeks largely because Phil Hughes and Ian Kennedy are a combined 0-5 with a 9.20 ERA.

When ferreting out the idiot of whom Steinbrenner spoke, here are two very important points to remember:

-- Girardi last winter signed a three-year, $7.5 million deal to manage the Yankees that runs through 2010.

-- General manager Brian Cashman is working in the final year of his contract, and the club so far appears not to have made much of an effort to re-sign him.

That doesn't mean Cashman is a short-timer as Yankees GM. Far from it.

But as this situation develops, and as the season plays out, it definitely bears watching.

During a conversation at the club's complex in Tampa this spring, Steinbrenner was complimentary of Cashman but declined to say if or when he would get around to talking with the GM about his future beyond 2008.

"I've known Cash a long time," Steinbrenner said. "He's been with our family a long time."

Steinbrenner said then that he would discuss the future with Cashman during the season, but wouldn't be pinned down on a time.

"It'll happen when it happens," Steinbrenner said then. "The big thing with Brian is the organization he's put in place. This is not going to be based on one decision. Damon Oppenheimer as the chief of scouting obviously has paid off huge. The way he's worked with Mark Newman (senior vice-president of the Tampa-based part of the Yanks baseball operations) and Joe Girardi. ..."

So ... who's the Idiot in Yankee-land?

Could it be Girardi, who left Chamberlain out of the rotation to begin the season?

Cashman, who obviously is one of the point men in that decision?

During that same conversation this spring, Steinbrenner spoke glowingly of Girardi.

"I love what he does," Steinbrenner said. "I love what he's doing. I really do. It's more a combination of things. (The players) like him and respect him, and I think there's even a little fear. He can be intimidating. He's a tough guy."

The plan all along has been to start the 22-year-old Chamberlain in the bullpen as a way of controlling his innings-pitched odometer. At three different minor-league levels and with the Yankees last season, he threw a combined total of 112 1/3 innings.

Say he opened the season as a starter and averaged six innings a start -- he'd already be at the 112-inning mark in his 19th start. And that's barely halfway through a full season. Big-league starters usually make somewhere around 32, 33 starts per summer.

Point is, the opposite of Steinbrenner's statement is true, too: You would have to be an idiot to put a still-developing Chamberlain into the rotation and expect him not to wear out before the finish line.

It was an organizational decision this spring -- not the edict of one man, like Girardi or Cashman -- to use Chamberlain as a set-up man early and then move him into the rotation later this season.

But like anything else when a fiery Steinbrenner is in charge of the Yankees, one man just may take the blame if the whole thing goes up in smoke.

Girardi? Cashman?

Perhaps neither.

We all know Johnny Damon was a self-proclaimed Idiot when he was playing for Boston in his previous life.

You don't suppose Steinbrenner was referring to him, do you?